When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them. Like shadows.
french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.
Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three
Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.
Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.
Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl
ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.
internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.
One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.
And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”
He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.
during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard
When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”
She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”
He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”
Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”
ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid
i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”
SPACE LESBIANS GONNA COLONISE MARS, MAKE IT A BEAUTIFUL SAPPHIC UTOPIA <3
its actualy really fascinating, the reason they are considering making the mission to mars all female ACTUALLY doesnt have to do with “impure sexual thoughts” or anyhing it has to do with a multitude of factors, for example (cis) women astronauts tend to be smaller and require less food, nasa also did a series of studies showing that in groups, all woman groups showed better cooperation and teamwork than mixed or all men groups, and also probably the most interesting reason is that (cis) mens eyesight is damaged in space travel for reasons we dont even understand yet, for some strange reason the vast majority of men who have been into space have suffered damage to their eyesight and yet almost no women have had this issue, and scientists are still trying to figure out why but in the meantime sending men into space for long periods of time is a huge concern because they may go blind over time … just thought that that headline was a little reductionist and sensationalist so i had to comment, that being said tho…
HELL YEAH SPACE LESBIANS
SPACE LESBIANS IN SPACE
IN SPAAAAAAAAACE
SPACE! THE LESBIAN FRONTIER!
“These are the gay-ventures of the Starship Lez-terprise”
midgardian etiquette 101: when going to their homes, hang your coat first or in some cases, your mjolnir.
naw maybe it’s actually asgardian custom to check your weapons at the door
It was medieval custom to check your weapons at the door of the meadhall before greeting the king of the place you were going to. It was courteous and showed respect. You can see it in Beowulf.
what i don’t understand is how that hook can hold the mjolnir.
the hook is worthy
the hook is worthy
Peter Pan would disagree.
I’ve not read the comics but I always figured Mjolnir wasn’t heavy so much as stubborn, and if it decided it didn’t wanna move it just wouldn’t. It sits on Loki, rather than crushing him in Thor 1, and in Avengers it rests on the floor of the ship, and trying to pick it up Hulk starts breaking the floor with his weight, but Mjolnir doesn’t seem to weight anything at all (If it was as heavy as Hulk implied, it would drag the whole ship to the ground right?). Mjolnir isn’t heavy, cos its not going down, instead it is a fixed point and everything else just moves around it. Hence, the hook doesn’t hold it, it merely remains in place.
so what you’re trying to say is that Mjolnir is like a chicken head
instead it is a fixed point and everything else just moves around it.
OK SO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS THAT WHEN THIS HAMMER WAS FORGED IN THE HEART OF A STAR IT BECAME A FIXED QUANTUM POINT AND THE UNIVERSE MOVES AROUND IT—AND THOR IS THE ONLY ONE WITH THE PROPER RESONANCE TO INTERACT WITH IT ON A QUANTUM LEVEL AND SO HE IS THE ONLY ONE WITH THE LEVERAGE REQUIRED TO SHIFT THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE AROUND THE FIXED POINT THAT IS MJOLNIR
THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE
DUDE YOU GUYS SCIENCED THORS HAMMER THAT IS AWESOME
i just… can’t have this not on my blog.
This got really sciencey really fast and my mind is blown
